Wow! I am so thankful for the outpour of love and support after my post yesterday! It was hard and honestly, quite embarrassing, to admit some of those things yesterday. I greatly appreciate the support I've received because of it!
There is hope at the end of my story from yesterday. Great hope found only in the blood of Christ. If you are in the midst of the mess, however, it's hard to see the hope, the pot at the end of the rainbow; it's hard to even see tomorrow sometimes. I wish I had some magical answer that would make everything ok for every person struggling out there. I hate the pain and suffering this world brings! I wish I could snap my fingers and make it all disappear! I can't, but I do know someone who is greater and more powerful than any force on Earth. He is my Savior, the Hope I have in life, and He can be yours, too!
Let me enlighten you on how I got to this realization. For as long as I can remember, I've been a Christian. I've always had an amazing faith in Christ. It wasn't until 5ish years ago when my faith began to waiver. I still believed in Christ and the Bible, but I became complacent in my faith. I guess I thought I knew everything there was to know and lost my sense of wonder at the mystery of the cross. It was then I lost all sense of who I was in Christ and sank into the darkness.
When we were on our retreat in Colorado, the counselor asked us what name God would call us if He were to give us a name. Well, that seemed a little silly to me. I've never been fond of silly exercises like that. One night, however, I had a dark cloud over me. I had been crying for hours and just felt oppressed. I was miserable. Kent came in and laid beside me. We prayed together against Satan and his darkness. I literally felt a dark presence lift off me. It was the weirdest, most freeing thing I've ever experienced. Then, I felt God was calling me His "Joy." How could that be? I was a mess, I was a horrible person, I wasn't living a life pleasing to Him. But, He still loved me. He still wanted to call me His child. He still took joy in me.
One of my favorite verses of all time is Hebrews 12:2, "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith. Who, for the JOY set before Him, endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the Father." That's right, I was that "joy" He was thinking about when He was nailed to the cross. You are the "joy" He was thinking of! He had us in mind when He died. He did it for us! He knew we were going to screw up. He knew we would be sinners and slip up time and time again, but He died for us anyway. What an amazing thing. There it is. My wonder of the cross was back!
I mentioned a verse yesterday that has helped me through this time. Zephaniah 3:17, "The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." This verse just reiterated what I know in my heart to be true. "He takes great delight in me." How crazy is that? The God of this universe, the God who created everything you see around you, the God who could strike us down anytime He feels like it, takes great delight in us! You see, WE are His joy!
The next segment, "He will quiet you with His love," was my next source of strength. I never could put it in words until the retreat, but at one point the counselor asked me if I struggled with anxiety. After she asked me that, I thought about it, and, yes, I do. I get a physical reaction from it. This verse has helped me with that, too. "He will quiet you with His love." He calms me. He settles my nerves. This just brought a funny picture to my head. Have you seen pride and prejudice? You know the mom..."Oh, my nerves! You don't know what I suffer!" Ha! Well, actually, I do, but instead of making others suffer with me, I know rely on Christ to calm them. It's not easy, but praying for His calm and His love to come over me has helped tremendously.
I know every struggle is different, but I hope you can see the hope there is at the end of the tunnel. The hope found in Christ and the freedom He brings. If you aren't already, spend time reading and meditating on scripture. Find the verse that speaks to your particular situation. Memorize it, repeat it, pray it over your life, and believe it. I can't promise the road will be easy, but maybe, just maybe you will begin to see the hope and rise from the mud you've been stuck in for too long. That is my prayer for you.
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